a question of experiencing

...patience - i seem to despise this word for the very fact that i don't have any. i usually want the things to happen right here, right now. i have worked a lot on it; and i have never really thought about anything beyond 'now' so far. truth be told, it might stem from fear, fear of the next step to come, fear of losing time, fear of losing alltogether and being disappointed in the end. oh, yet another thing. although you are doing everything correctly, remember that it is all like a good tennis match. the success depends on your own winner points plus the unforced errors of your opponent plus the weather conditions plus the crowd plus your mental status etc. Look what Rainer Maria Rilke has to say:

"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not look for the answers, they cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day."

Oh, if only everything would sound as easy and applicable as this one. Bleurghhh!!!